untitled Victoria had lay awake half the night with her phone resting at her fingertips. All she had to do was begin looking at profiles on the dating app and then start meeting people. Her body trembled with anxiety and excitement. She knew what she wanted, but she just couldn’t seem to pick up the phone and start using the app. Surely her profile and picture would get the type of attention she craved. She had watched her best friend, Natalie, use the app and hook up with Johnny. She knew the app kept Natalie plenty busy. She wanted it too, but could she follow through? She clinched her thighs together under the sheets of her bed imagining the feel of being with a man she met on the app.

Two nights passed and she barely slept. She had ignored Natalie’s texts, for the most part, about whether she had set up a date with someone yet. Natalie could no longer be ignored when Victoria turned the corner toward her apartment and saw Natalie sitting on her doorway steps. She was wearing long, athletic socks, chunky heels, a short denim skirt, and a t-shirt cut toward her cleavage.

“You’re way too old to be wearing that,” said Victoria with inferiority in her voice. She wouldn’t say it out loud, but Natalie looked completely fuck-able at that moment.

“My date won’t think so,” said Natalie rebuffing Victoria. “And I bet your date wouldn’t either…speaking of which?!”

“No! No! No!” said Victoria raising a hand and trying to avoid the conversation. Natalie hopped to her feet and followed Victoria into her apartment. “You’re not really going to avoid this, are you?” Victoria plopped down on a bar stool in Natalie’s kitchen. Natalie followed Victoria’s legs to the shadowed gap in her skirt. For a moment Natalie considered returning Victoria’s favor from the last time they were in the apartment together. How easy it would be to slide her hand up Natalie’s thighs, spreading them open, and then flicking her tongue on her clit until she was trembling so hard she might fall of the bar stool. The moment passed.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” said Victoria. “It’s just been so long and I don’t know if this is exactly the right way for me.”

“The last several years hasn’t worked out for you either,” said Natalie a little too sharply. Victoria winced. “I’m sorry, Vic, but it’s true! You know I’m right! You’ve held onto a ghost. He’s never coming back and even if he did you wouldn’t want to stay with his sorry ass anyway!” Victoria nodded.

“Furthermore…” said Natalie.

“Furthermore?!” Victoria interrupted. “What are you my mother giving me a lecture?!”

“Yes! Furthermore!” continued Natalie. “How many nights have you moaned about getting out there and dating again.”

“But this isn’t exactly dating,” said Victoria.

“Well maybe not in the ‘old’ style of dating but it is a version of it in today’s world,” said Natalie. “You know, the one we both now live in.”

Victoria poured a glass of wine for the two of them and sat on the bar stool next to Natalie. She could smell Victoria’s favorite “I’m down-to-fuck” perfume heavy in the air. She imagined what kind of fun Natalie would be having on her date while she sat there, in her apartment, watching reruns of a ‘70s police show, drinking every drop of the wine left in the bottle of wine she got that afternoon.  Pathetic!

“All you have to do, sweetie, is pick up your phone and start twitching your thumb one direction or the next,” said Natalie before sipping from her wine glass. Natalie’s eyebrow raised and her head turned. Her eyes darting from Victoria’s eyes to Victoria’s phone over and over again.

With a long draw from her own wine glass, Victoria caved under Natalie’s powers of persuasion. Her hand trembled as she scooped the phone off the counter. She felt sick to her stomach as she opened the app. She was sweating by the time the first face popped up on her screen. She felt Natalie’s body close in with the not-so-subtle scooting of her barstool closer to Victoria’s side.

“Hmmm,” said Natalie. “Left or right? Hmmmm.”

“Shut…up!”

With every left or right swipe her thumb made, Victoria’s anxiety rose as did her hopes. There were lots of men that interested her and some that positively made her, and Natalie, recoil. Natalie lost track of time. She just kept twitching her thumb on the images. Finally, Natalie intervened by placing her hand over Victoria’s and said, “that’ll probably do, dear.”

The matches were piling up. Men she had selected had also selected her and she was getting instant messages and requests to meet by pretty much everyone she selected. “If you want, you could probably start fucking in the next hour and not be done for a week,” said Natalie, who slid off her stool with a loud giggle and her arms raised as though she had just won a marathon.

“What have I done?” said Victoria. Her stomach was knotted tighter than ever and, as the numbers of messages added up, she no longer knew the difference between excitement and peril.

“What you’ve done, my sweet Victoria, is you’ve entered into today’s world and you’re about to erase years of longing.” Natalie finished her wine and pushed Victoria’s thighs apart by pressing her hips between them. With her sweet lips inches away from Victoria’s lips, Natalie said, “you can do this and you’re gonna love it.” She pressed her lips to Victoria’s and let their lips cling as they slowly separated.

“Just pick one and call me in the morning,” said Natalie pulling away from Victoria’s body. “I will share my evening with you when you call me.” Natalie grabbed her handbag off the table next to the apartment door. “The guy I’m about to meet ‘loves women who wear skirts, long socks, and chunky heels.’” She pointed her toe and drew her hand from toe to hip showing off how well she matched that description.

“Don’t worry, Vic!” said Natalie opening the door. “I promise my skirt won’t even leave my hips.” With a giggle and a turn, Natalie left Natalie alone with her thoughts and growing number of messages.

Natalie left the phone on the counter and took a shower. She cleaned up in the event she had the nerve to go out and meet someone. She didn’t want to be left in the uncomfortable position of not wanting to have sex with someone because she was underprepared. With a towel around her torso and one on her head, she grabbed the phone. With her other hand she poured some more wine. “Fuck it!” she said and she opened the app.

She looked quickly through the messages and stopped one that simply said, “Let’s go for a hike in the park.” Nothing more than that. Many of the messages were perfectly Neanderthal with “let’s fuck” as the only real message. And though she didn’t blame them for this, since Natalie had pretty much said that this was all Victoria was interested in, she was hoping for a little more…tact. Going for a hike in a park was different and interesting, although she did consider how this might end badly for her if she were alone with a stranger in a remote area of a park. “Great!” she thought. “I’m signing up to be tomorrow’s news.”

Not knowing how to really communicate on the app she simply replied to his message with “where and when?” Victoria looked at Tony’s fairly basic profile that said he “loves to go on walks/hikes” and that “outdoor fun is his favorite.” She noted the dimples in his cheeks and the brilliance in his blue eyes. Handsome. Middle-aged. She hoped she wasn’t too old for him.

Her phone buzzed with Tony’s response. “How about two hours? Riddell park has about 4 miles of trail. It’s fairly busy until closer to sunset but if you’re comfortable staying with me until sunset, I will show you a great little quiet spot overlooking the city.”

Again Victoria’s nerves were on point and again she said, “fuck it!” She knew exactly where the park was and had run the trail herself a few times, so she was comfortable enough that she could feel safe there with him. She responded, “I’ll meet you at the trail head in two hours.” Mustering every ounce of courage she had, Victoria walked to her bedroom and opened her closet.

“Now what to wear?”