I’m breaking from my usual blog tonight after spending a few days by myself in Wash DC.  Here on work but I have had a number of opportunities to walkabout. I’m just a Midwestern boy living in a state without a “large” city; at least nothing like the sorts of Chicago, L.A., N.Y., or D.C. (yeah, yeah…DC is a district not a state…you get my point).  Traveling to these cities, even those overseas that I’ve visited, such as Rome and Amsterdam, I’ve noticed something, as many small-town, Midwestern folks describe, about people living in the “city”; they’re just not real kind.

For the record, I disagree.  I’ve seen plenty of kindness but you can’t give every person you meet some coins and, I noticed this in Baltimore and S.F in particular, the problem of poverty and homelessness is palpable…and outlandishly sad.  Mind you it’s not poverty like I’ve seen in 3rd World countries, but poverty, as relative as it is, is harsh.  But it isn’t “unkindness” that I’ve seen; it’s loneliness.

From my vantage point what us Midwesterners see as a lack of kindness is really a deep sense of individuality needed to survive the mass of a city.  It seems like the world doesn’t stop, not even for a moment to relax, without costing you something.  I get to go out my steps and onto literally acres of fields and nobody (literally) within shouting distance.  So the hustle seems to take its toll and the giveaway was their eyes.

Yes, their eyes.  Making eye contact is a near impossibility but is standard activity where I’m from.  And if eye contact is made there’s a measuring that takes place, of what sort I cannot yet tell, but it’s there. Maybe its a brief do I know you? Or maybe its a measure of your worth or value to me.  Or maybe it’s that I simply can’t invest in yet another human being at this moment and the gaze quickly looks away or looks past you…and this is the ‘tell’ for me; it’s that looking past you moment that reeks of loneliness. I see you but I’m really looking at something else. Its protection.

So if you see someone making eye contact or holding the door or elevator or giving you a smile and nod in the city, give one back.  Tell yourself its okay to invest a moment.  I recognize that this is impossible in many circumstances, but a warm smile sometimes is all you need to know that you’re not all alone in this big city.